Tuesday, October 28, 2003
10/28/2003 11:26:00 PM
"Fortitude"
When someone talks about a person who is strong on the outside but weak on the inside I never knew it would be epitomised by a good friend of mine.
She's 23 this year. She is very outgoing and sociable. Her optimism knows no limits, except when she's alone or with a good friend. I always see her with a smile and her mischievious laughter, talking about interesting daily things and naughty things. It shocked me when she suddenly said, "I am scared to get married again..."
She was married once and her husband cheated her of everything. The guy she is with now does not love her the most. She is going to get her divorce papers signed on friday and her current boyfriend gave a lame excuse of him needing to work. She really wanted him to be there for her. If I was that close to her I WOULD go with her on friday, but too bad I can't. I felt pity for her. I asked her whether she had any friends who would help her and she said that most of her friends were married and none would actually come to help her even if she asked for help. What has gone wrong for this poor lady to suffer such a fate? I felt so lucky to have CJ beside me then. Really lucky. I want to do something for her but I do not know what.
I am glad that at least she tells me her problems. I am glad that at least I can lend her my ears.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Saturday, October 25, 2003
10/25/2003 11:56:00 PM
"Defiance"
I have never ever thought about leaving my home so badly... until now.
Just that when I am tired and all I want is to talk to my friends, my mum would come in and nag. Everyone has their fair share of scoldings from their parents, but why do most Singaporean parents carry it out so far? If your child does not want to venture into a certain field, so be it! If your child wants to improve him/herself and you have the money to support him/her, why not? Alot of parents only see the comfort zone their child should be in and not what their child really wants. If I tell my mum that I want to die right in her face I think she will say "don't say stupid things! we took all pains to bring you up blah blah blah..." Now I am the one taking all pains to resist it to fight for my own path.
Can't she just leave me alone? I am tired enough of hearing her voice. I called her up to ask her to buy more tissue paper for the house and when I have not even opened my mouth to speak she shot everything at me. "Why didn't you go to school? What time did you sleep? How come you always not studying? See lah you are sick because she sleep late and wake up then go one the com of course sick lah!" -_-" Should have just slammed down the phone there and then. I should move out when I get married. No more words of concern from her when I am sick for the past few years. No more.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Friday, October 24, 2003
10/24/2003 10:53:00 AM
"Impulse"
Really detest my bad habit of wanting to collect all the figures after I have finished watching a certain anime. I had just bought Aegis (1/100) and ordered Freedom (1/60) and Strike - Strike Weapon System (1/60). Then I looked at the picture I have below this post of Justice... heh was thinking since I AM going for NS soon and I will get paid I might as well use up some money first haha... So... Ah well...
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
10/21/2003 10:55:00 PM
"Incessant"
The tune is perpetually stuck in my head. Even when I sleep, when I did my Physics A level practical, when I ate haha... It seems a little scary. Ah well, it is one of those tunes that hit you real hard and stays there... at least for the next 1 week or so... Brings back a lot of memories, a lot of happiness as well as sadness...
"Anna ni isshodatta no ni" from Gundam Seed OST 1.
translated: We had so much together, but...
Seriously, it is the only song in my winamp and it goes on everytime I switch on my computer. If anyone wants it just ICQ me at 37804682 or something.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Monday, October 20, 2003
10/20/2003 09:47:00 PM
"Freedom"
It was a rushed ending it seemed, but nonetheless it was a great anime. There are many twists in the plot, in the way Earth and Plant turned against each other. The character development is great even though I think that they should have explained more about the SEED idea. The anime is packed with emotions and well, what can I say besides te fact that it IS good.
A brief summary:
PLANT - Space colony consisting of COORDINATORS
COORDINATOR - A person who was genetically modified... all the talk about designer babies came true...
NATURAL - A person who is born normally
ZAFT - PLANT's military
Plant was unhappy with Earth for an accident which destroyed one of their colonies and killed off 200 thousand people. They started building mobile suits which acted as a line of defense. Earth built 5 suits called Gundams which are supposed to match ZAFT's mobile Jinns and also Archangel, a battleship. ZAFT found out and tried to capture these gundams but only managed to steal 4 of them while due to some twist of fate, Kira boarded the last one and managed to reconfiured its OS to maximise the Gundam Strike's potential. Revenge after revenge until both sides were addicted to war and wanted to eliminate each other at whatever the cost. They ended up using nuclear weapons.
The anime is mainly just playing out the issues that plague our world today. The extent that Science and Technology is affecting our morals and what we think. It seems that sooner or later, when designer genes are approved of, there will be more segregation in this world of the elite from the naturals. There is also the issue of nuclear warfare and how far people can go to achieve their goals.
In the end, it is not a matter of which side you are on, but what you are fighting for. You need not take the side of Iraq or the US although fighting really uis needed sometimes to solve some things. The road may be hard, but if peace is what you really want, you have to fight for it in your own way.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Sunday, October 19, 2003
10/19/2003 11:47:00 PM
"Identity"
Str|fe is no more. I am concealed. I am Forb|dden.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
"Justice"
I have always heard talks of false justice. I am not sure of what it really symbolises. I was watching Gundam Seed today and came across a senario.
Your childhood friend is with the opposing army. You fight only because you have to protect your friends on this certain ship. Ends up in a dilemma because you go berserk at the sight of death and destruction. You don't want to fight, but you think that in order to protect them you have no choice. Would you shoot your friend in battle? Or is friendship more important?
I always end up with the same answer. That everyone has his own priorities and to each his own. What I am trying to look for is more concrete, more objective and maybe more optismistic.
I would let him shoot me.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
"Forbidden"
~quote~ "he is going to NS soon and he wont be able to use admin access for 2 years dats wat he told us and im not sure he is able to use the com for 1 day or so...wat i taught is to replace another admin with full xs for 2 years only after dat when he is back he would get back his access "
~quote~ "Strife is leaving.Want to replace him.?"
When I read it I just flared up. It seems so... political. I know the intention is to get a substitute admin for the server but I could not help but stared at the post in disbelief. What can I do? One part of me seals up again. I can't help it.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Thursday, October 16, 2003
10/16/2003 09:54:00 PM
"Acquiesce"
I hate people who ask a favour from me and then act as if I am supposed to do them that favour. Me being the nice person I am would so gladly humble myself and go out of my way to help them. What do I get in return? A piece of sarcasm from them.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
10/14/2003 11:51:00 PM
"Preference"
Something just popped into my mind when I was reading someone's journal. I had wanted to write it down in a very long time.
My mum kept saying that one should only visit a someone who has passed away on his/her death anniversary but I beg to differ. She said that it is not auspicious to visit the deceased on their birthday because it is what they celebrated when they were alive but now that they are in the other realm, we should only remember their death anniversary. It is like their birthday there. Maybe I am really selfish but I would rather remember my friend's birthday than death date. At least it is a happy thought. It is the day that she came into this world and brought laughter and peace to many of us. I don't want to remember the day I saw her lifeless in bed and all I could do was call her name hoping that she would come to. And I did that day was cry. And I cried for 2 months. I want to remember the times we spent together telling each other our lame jokes and the time she went out with me to view a concert alone. I make it a point to visit her on her birthday every year, or earlier.
I miss you.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
"Exile"
...and that is the title of the first episode of Smallville season 3.
Watched the season finale of Smallville season 2 today (recorded). Man, it was one hell of a rollercoaster. Pity Lana for always getting into a relationship she can't handle. Pity Lex for his broken family. Pity Clark for his alienation. I have just downloaded episode 1 and 2 of season 3 muhahahaha! I got the very first episode too because alot of things puzzled me.
Completed FF Tactics Advanced today. Well it was a cliched ending but heck, the game was worth playing, definitely. One game out of the way, now I feel like playing another. FFVII here I come... after my exams.
Just had my chemistry practical today. Well everyone said it was definitely easier than prelims, but I thought otherwise. Now I am afraid that I will do badly, even though I keep telling myself that I did everything in a proper manner. Nagging thoughts aside, it was actually quite an OK paper I suppose, maybe even a little easy.
Hmm realised that I have said very little today. Nevermind. Anyway I have decided to add a little something to the end of every post. =D
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Monday, October 13, 2003
10/13/2003 08:36:00 PM
"Numb"
Weird. I am neither feeling nervous nor flustered. Tomorrow is the A levels Chemistry Practical paper and it also marks the start of a continuous chain of papers lasting for the next 2 months or so. Think the routine of having mock exam --> common test --> mock exam --> mid-year --> mock exam --> pre-prelim --> prelim --> post-prelim --> mock exam is really making me oblivious to the upcoming papers. Just hope that I do not have too much confidence for the practical just because I scored around 80 percent for the last 2 ones and about 95 percent for QA =X
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Sunday, October 12, 2003
10/12/2003 12:04:00 PM
"Hang-over"
No wonder I got a really bad headache this morning. And I thought DOM was supposed to revitalize oneself... I only took like 10 ml or something...
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
"Haul"
The JOY! The EXCITEMENT! The DELIGHT!
These 2 days I had a great time. Went cycling, bought a lot of stuff, fixed up my com... I even read some stuff that touched my heart, and of course a daily dose of Foxtrot to amuse me haha. Only thing I did not do is to study. I will do it today then.
Woke up with a bad headache. Felt even worse when I opened my curtains to find that it was still raining. At first sadness set in, then anxiety. "Can I still go cycling?" "What about my friends?" "Is it raining at East Coast?" "Will CJ go with us?" They just popped up in my head all at once. Made a few calls but I still went to school. Luckily the rain stopped. We had only 6 of us there, but well, they are all my close friends and I should be thankful we actually had 6. Teresa did not want to go but after showing her my puppy-dog eyes she felt guilty. Heh =D It was cold because it had just rained, yet refreshing. Wanted to just run against the wind forever, but obviously I can't because I will either freeze to death or starve to death whichever comes first. XY wanted to stone. I knew she was GOOD at stoning but I did not realise she was a GOD at stoning. Man she sat that and did not realise 2.5 hours had passed until we told her. KC was tired and had a lousy bike so he was very unhappy the whole ride. We went to the runway to look at planes too, unfortunately, there weren't many planes to look at. Thanx people for keeping me company. I really have great friends...
We went to Sim Lim after eating. XY and KC went back for architecture talk so that leaves the 4 of us. There were some damn noisy sec 2 people in the bus, which makes me wonder what the future of Singapore is going to be like. They were proud of breaking rules and having tea with the principal. I have nothing to say about them. Anyway we walked to the nearest 7-11 and I found a tube of STRAWBERRY MENTOS! The flavour I have been waiting so long for Mentos to release! I only bought one tube though, then again I don't really eat sweets these few days.
I bought Creative Inspire 2.1 speakers with Creative Live! 5.1 sound card, Halo and my mum's chinese writing tablet. I also bought a black logitech keyboard and a 80 gig HDD yesterday so woohoo! Had to hurry to buy my stuff although I'd really like to walk around Sim Lim more. My friends were already so nice accompanying me there I felt bad making them so tired. Spent most of the 2 days fixing up my com I didn't really do anything else. Well today it is back to studying and CS and FF Tactics and Halo and heh everything else.
I feel that I have matured alot in my relationship with CJ and over these past 2 years. I have learnt to handle death and tough problems in a relationship. I have learnt that it really takes alot for both parties to maintain a relationship. All those talk about how one side is suffering is sometimes selfish, because he other side may be feeling as much pain as you are and the both of you are not throwing issues out in the open to solve them together. I have come to realise the importance of not keeping things to oneself. What is the point? As the cliche goes, the world does not revolve around oneself. Now as long as you are my close friend, I can tell you anything you want to know about myself. I am happy, not cooped up.
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Thursday, October 09, 2003
10/09/2003 09:54:00 PM
"Expectations Part 2"
(yes call me cheapo but it is the only word that fits)
Realised that even though I set my expectations and something happens to my expectations, I will still feel disappointed. I knew that it would be a small group going cycling tomorrow, but I still feel sad that alot of them are not going. Anyway I received my set of Gundam Seed vcds in the mail today. I expected at least one episode to have a error and it turns out to be 2. Well, they are easily rectified anyway. Oh and that stupid Unicron I waited 3 months for. It finally turned up on Monday and guess what? One important part is missing, and I imported it all the way from the US. Crud. The online company referred me to Hasbro itself and Hasbro hasn't replied my email in 3 days. This sucks.
Well, had a great time playing cs with lix just now. That's all the comfort I have today I guess. Man I'm tired. Really really tired.
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
10/08/2003 11:25:00 PM
"Expectations"
(Damn word I could not paraphrase during the GP mock exam argh!)
Many things I expected today did not really turn out the way I though they would. Coincidentally, the comprehension I did today was about expectations... ok it was about travel and expectations but heck... It told us that we go through a process of learning when we actually throw our expectations out of the window... Yes I only agree with passage A... I know this but it just somehow did not strike me as so important.
I expected the day to turn out quite crappy. In fact it did not. It rained the whole day, which makes me happy =D We had a long break and I actually did some work (chem) =D We went for bio tutorial and I actually learnt something... crap I forgot T.T GP mock exam was not as pissing as I thought it would be. At least there is nothing about consumerism -_-"
I expected the day to be another normal day, where I go home and play cs with lix. Then CJ wanted to go and eat. Seeing her greedy face and puppy dog eyes... I couldn't say no could I? Although I was dead beat and had a headache.... well... we tagged along with Tim, KC and Teresa... We went to pizza hut (again -_-") and has a really good time... I really enjoyed it... Have not eaten with my good friends in such a long time... We laughed and laughed at all the stupidest things and we were happy. Real happy. Seeing Teresa asking the few of us to stand together to take a picture with her really warmed my heart. At least I knew I was her good friend =D. And KC, Tim, Lix, Xuanz, Shal, XY, Joyce, Ben... man this is one great class I have. Thanx Tim for accompanying us to the MRT station... Saw you so engrossed in drawing in your sketch book... I guess CJ really made the right choice in buying it for you =D
Today CJ's mum came over to Singapore for one day. CJ rushed over to meet her when she reached home after receiving her call. I wanted to stay up to wait for her to come back, but she just came back =D She said she did not want to come back at first, but she could not bear to leave me alone I guess. I hope. Hehe... Well off to bed I go... What a great day. And I managed to give some good advice to XY =D Heh just boosting my ego sorry.
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
10/07/2003 02:34:00 PM
"Rejuvenation"
Even going to school for merely 2.5 hours saps my energy like a demon sucks my soul... Now it is just lazy. Always do not turn up for a few days, then when I come back everything just piles up so it makes me tired then I will not go for another few more days... Heck, tomorrow is the last day of school and I have to go. Man speak about kiasuism... GP mock exam...
Anyway just had a zinger burger (left over from last night though, hope no stomachache later) and the windows are wide open. A nice continuous breeze is just flowing through my hair, revitalizing me... Whoa this is what I call enjoying life... CJ is eating some fried vegetables next to me... heh I have no comments on vegetables although I know she is enjoying it too... cos I really hate vegetables haha... Now all I lack is some sleep =D
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Sunday, October 05, 2003
10/05/2003 10:06:00 AM
"Subside"
Yeah after a good night's sleep, my anger has subsided. Always after these kind of thing, I would realise that I DO have alot of good friends out there. Heh those that talk to me at midnight... but she stills seems weird... dare not approach her...
Hey the weather is quite good, with light breeze and stuff... and I am going for a swim. Wonder why when I always go at 10.30am, but I still cannot get darker... haiz... my genes ah?
Heh ciaoz~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Saturday, October 04, 2003
10/04/2003 07:05:00 PM
"Harmony"
~edited off~
I am sorry I wrote all of that stuff...
Having a blog does have its limitations, and I fully agree with Tim that pouring out of emotions is wrong and that such things have to be edited...
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Thursday, October 02, 2003
10/02/2003 11:07:00 AM
"Utopia"
All I can think of right now is to go home. I really don't seem to care anymore whether Mr Choy will teach anything useful, or whether Mrs Yik will go through the June 2003 paper. I keep complaining to people and also in my own head about the fact that VJ does not even have the right sense to give us a break after prelims. I want to return to the comfort of my home where I can actually get down to doing something instead of PRETENDING to do something in school. Maybe I am still stuck in this utopia of mine. One I need to get out of ASAP. But right now, I am happy doing something I like. Right now, I don't give a damn.
I am currently playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced. The storyline is about a bullied kid creating his dream world and everyone one he knows is stuck in it. The main character badly wants to get home, but in doing so, he will destroy the perfect world his friend created, and in the process wreck his and many others' dreams. I know it may sound childish but it brings us back to reality. What they are trying to preach is that no matter what, the real world matters and we should try not to linger in our fantasy. But what if we are actually HAPPY, and not only happy but ELATED, in our own worlds? Why should we get out of it? Life is all about finding meaning and having a positive mindset so we will be happy. If this is my meaning, then why should I get out?
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
10/01/2003 11:45:00 PM
"Achievement"
Finally I changed the tagboard to make it fit, changed alot of colours, fixed the alignments, added my Bios, and posted... Phew! Anyway I need to thank Joyce for spending time on the tagboard, Tim for helping me with the colours, Alden for the blogtemplate and Ben for his comments haha...
I feel... great. Finally my blog has something of substance to show. Not too flashy, in fact soothing... Just to my taste. I can get down to posting instead of worrying about the placement of the tagboard and I am at peace knowing that people can communicate with me through here... *Wipes sweat drop away* This makes up for the really really REALLY boring day today. I went to school for 7 periods of break in a row -_-"
Tim said something that really made me reminisce about the past. He wanted a tagboard because it would help us to communicate with him when we all go our separate ways. I felt touched and at the same time sadness. The bonds and friendships we have forged these 2 years are surprisingly stronger than those of my 4 years in secondary school. I actually think I will cry the last day I see my friends this year. Maybe that is why I don't want to go for prom night. Then again we have a chalet after that. So many of them are going overseas. I really don't know whether it is possible to meet up again. It is very difficult, if not impossible. I guess fate brought us together and will bring us together again when the day comes...
I love you guys. Thanks for being there for me.
That's what cyberspace is there for right? Very soon there will be 3G technology, video conferencing and video chat over the phone. We can still see each other... But... I guess we have to be satisfied with what we have and make the best out of it right? Guess so... ZZzzzzz.......
transient dreamer.~`unconscious