Monday, August 30, 2004
8/30/2004 09:54:00 PM
"Loath"
My fears are starting to haunt me...
They try to take me down... slowly.
All I can do now is sleep...
Lying in an open savana
Arrows of hidden agenda
Strike me from all directions
Down I fall...
I welcome a change
One that is for the better of course
One can never be satisfied
I don't think I ever will be
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious
Sunday, August 29, 2004
8/29/2004 12:48:00 AM
"Dysfunction"
Stability to instability. My mind is starting to fall apart once again...
Have not been blogging much because of my work commitments in camp the past few months. Have actually been quite busy, so by the time I reach home I would be too tired to type out what I want to say. Something just came over me to type today. I don't really know what.
I seem to be at a loss here. On one hand, I want to be trusted more. Then when I seem to have gained total trust, I feel that I am being taken for granted. Too tired to fight back. Too tired to do anything else. Can only just give. And give. And give.
Have not had a morning to sleep in for a few weeks. Have to go pay respects to my grandfather when day breaks. Wonder what I am doing here when I badly need the sleep.
I asked for an appointment. I got one. Then came one more. I thought to myself, it is ok when someone comes back to take over. Then another one. And Another one. And nominal rolls every single day. Need space to breathe. Need people to talk to. Need shoulder to cry on.
News came about me having to be posted out. Just when I thought everything was going smoothly. I seriously don't have that kind of luck right? Strike me with your holy bolts, the one who is up there. To Valhalla I shall go, but on your side I shall not fight.
Worried about many people. People who step into my life seeking help shall get all the help they deserve. Want to see their normal selfs again. A sincere smile will do. Just to let me know that what I have done has made a difference.
I see a lot of people change right before my eyes. Mostly after some torment. I don't care whether it is for the better or worse. I like you the way you were. It is not up to me in the end. No use saying so much.
~fin~
transient dreamer.~`unconscious